[ And Vanitas doesn't bother to turn around to look at Ventus. Not right now anyway. He's still thinking. ]
People still kind of annoy me over all. I don't like Xemnas very much. Xigbar's not bad, just weird. I like Sandalphon and Lucifer well enough.
[ If Ventus hasn't figured it out, Vanitas has taken this task very seriously. He's evaluating people based on their reactions to him and what kind of interactions they've had. Positive or negative. ]
I hated you. [ No sense in hiding that. ] For a very long time and for a lot of different reasons. Then those reasons didn't matter anymore so I stopped caring after you woke up. Now I don't know. It's stupid and confusing.
[ventus is quiet as he listens, watching Vanitas as he spoke. it was new seeing vanitas so focused and serious like this without that oh so familiar jabbing, petty tone to accompany sharp words. ven is afraid of disturbing this unfamiliar moment between them.
he looks away near the end, focusing on his hands twisting together.]
I didn't likeyou at first either because I was afraid of what you meant for me. I didn't want to believe I was different, that something was wrong. [he digs a blunt nail into the side of his palm, leaving an angry crescent shape behind.] Then when you stopped caring, i started... caring. [having your other half reject you - now he knew how Vanitas felt and it hurt.] I don't know what to do now.
[ It's not really new for Vanitas, this behavior. Usually people just didn't see this side of him. Vanitas doesn't really have a desire to show it. He does find it ironic that when he had stopped caring Ventus had started. Though Vanitas' definition of "caring" is different. He had wanted to be accepted and acknowledged by Ventus.
There's probably more to it than that, but that's not something Vanitas is willing to contemplate more on at this time. ]
Don't do anything. [ A weird thing to say, to be sure. Probably not the one that Ventus thought was coming. ] The moments where you're not intolerable are the ones where you're not trying to make up for something that really wasn't your fault.
[ He turns around now to face Ventus fully. Vanitas studies his face for a moment, as if debating on how to phrase what he means by this. Again, he doesn't particularly hate Ventus. Doesn't dislike him. Doesn't really like him either. There are things that Van appreciates that Ven does, but then Ven turns around and just reminds him of what he actually is... ]
I'm not a means to make you feel better and I'm not someone that needs you to fix me because you feel like it's your duty or whatever. The only person that can do that is me. So don't do anything. Just be, I guess.
[its true he's surprised to hear that be Vanitas' answer, his eyes widening a little before his brow crinkles in troubled contemplation. he... wasn't wrong. it was bizarre to hear this from Vanitas of all people, pointing out his flaws in a way that actually made sense and even gave ventus a way to try and fix himself. nothing about this was easy but it felt like a step in the right direction.
or he hoped so at least.
ven meets his gaze, searching.] Just... be. [he wrinkles his nose] I think we both know that's easier said than done. [but he smiles then, something small and hesitant.] Whoever you decide to become, Vanitas, I'll support you.
[ The moment of Vanitas being serious and decent might actually be up. Partially because this is going into weird territory with an emotion he thinks might be relief slowly rising and washing over him. It certainly feels easier to breathe at any rate. He hadn't even noticed the tight grip around his heart until now. ]
But you shouldn't say you'll support me so flippantly. I could become someone you don't like. What I don't want is to become someone unrecognizable to me.
[ Yes, he is chiding Ventus a little. Because one never knows where that line in the sand is. However Vanitas takes a moment to look around the room. ]
[ven doesn't even care about the shove, looking at vanitas with a stunned, wide-eyed expression. he starts to tear up then, trying not to blink like that might keep the tears from freefalling down his face.
he looks away as he tries to wipe at his eyes, sniffing wetly, his voice choked.]
[hope van doesn't mind messy tears getting on his hands and fingers. at least ven looks a little miserable to match vanitas' cranky expression.]
I'm just-... happy you wanted to stay here. [and he would have been sad if vanitas had decided to leave. ven blinks back more tears and they catch in his eyelashes.] That's all.
[ Oh he minds. He minds quite a bit actually because he's starting to pick up on Ven's emotions. And it's making him tear up a little bit too. Augh how much he hates this stuff. ]
Can you stop?
[ Maybe Ven's okay with crying but Vanitas still doesn't... Do crying. Not well. ]
[he doesn't immediately realize what's happening until he sees vanitas start to tear up too. ven puffs up his cheeks, even with van's hands still holding his face, in some attempt to force himself out of crying. the end result just makes him look like a very silly, pouting child with a tear stained face.]
[ Yes. Yes Ventus does look very much like a pouting child. It just looks so ridiculous. This crying is ridiculous. Ventus is crying. Vanitas might as well be. All because things aren't terrible and talking happened. Now they both feel better ( though Vanitas is reluctant to admit that he felt bad in the first place ) and yet they're crying.
So Vanitas starts laughing. The sheer absurdity of it. ]
[welcome to having a heart, vanitas. absolutely nothing about it makes sense.
vanitas starts to laugh and ventus can't help but follow suit with tears still rolling down his cheeks. his shoulders shake from trying to hold back snorting laughter that has him tilting forward against vanitas.
they both felt like a mess, but his heart was a little lighter now. maybe they really were going to be okay.]
[ Just like that, Vanitas falls back on the bed. Laughing. All in all this is pretty stupid. Having a whole heart again has turned out to be pretty stupid. Maybe they will be okay. Vanitas doesn't even know why he wants them to be okay. There's no logical reason that he can think of for that, especially since he doesn't seek approval.
[they're laughing together and the sound of them fills the room, the light of the setting sun outside casting warm colors over the bedroom floor and walls.
it's peaceful.
giggles still bubble inside his chest as he follows after van, laying down with him. he fits easily against him like two worn puzzle pieces that still somehow fit together. ven feels exhausted, but the kind of exhaustion that came after a long, good day. he moves an arm around vanitas, letting his head rest against his shoulder.]
[ Naturally Vanitas tenses the moment that Ventus sees fit to wrap around him. Kind of like a leech and somehow Van isn't at all surprised. He doesn't quite know what to do about it. All of the other times there had been odd circumstances. The moon. The heart thing. All of those times Ven had been physically affectionate. It's a touch that doesn't hurt and Vanitas likes that. He knows this.
Kind of scary, really. So he just settles for putting a hand on Ven's head. That's pretty neutral, right? Safe? ]
[ventus was naturally affectionate - growing up around terra and aqua who never really hesitated to hug or touch him in loving gestures made it easier for ventus to follow suit. except at times when he forgot some people weren't so keen on physical touch.
he closes his eyes for now, keeping himself from moving any closer against van, but. the hand on his head felt nice. he didn't want to ruin that.]
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People still kind of annoy me over all. I don't like Xemnas very much. Xigbar's not bad, just weird. I like Sandalphon and Lucifer well enough.
[ If Ventus hasn't figured it out, Vanitas has taken this task very seriously. He's evaluating people based on their reactions to him and what kind of interactions they've had. Positive or negative. ]
I hated you. [ No sense in hiding that. ] For a very long time and for a lot of different reasons. Then those reasons didn't matter anymore so I stopped caring after you woke up. Now I don't know. It's stupid and confusing.
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he looks away near the end, focusing on his hands twisting together.]
I didn't likeyou at first either because I was afraid of what you meant for me. I didn't want to believe I was different, that something was wrong. [he digs a blunt nail into the side of his palm, leaving an angry crescent shape behind.] Then when you stopped caring, i started... caring. [having your other half reject you - now he knew how Vanitas felt and it hurt.] I don't know what to do now.
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There's probably more to it than that, but that's not something Vanitas is willing to contemplate more on at this time. ]
Don't do anything. [ A weird thing to say, to be sure. Probably not the one that Ventus thought was coming. ] The moments where you're not intolerable are the ones where you're not trying to make up for something that really wasn't your fault.
[ He turns around now to face Ventus fully. Vanitas studies his face for a moment, as if debating on how to phrase what he means by this. Again, he doesn't particularly hate Ventus. Doesn't dislike him. Doesn't really like him either. There are things that Van appreciates that Ven does, but then Ven turns around and just reminds him of what he actually is... ]
I'm not a means to make you feel better and I'm not someone that needs you to fix me because you feel like it's your duty or whatever. The only person that can do that is me. So don't do anything. Just be, I guess.
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or he hoped so at least.
ven meets his gaze, searching.] Just... be. [he wrinkles his nose] I think we both know that's easier said than done. [but he smiles then, something small and hesitant.] Whoever you decide to become, Vanitas, I'll support you.
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[ The moment of Vanitas being serious and decent might actually be up. Partially because this is going into weird territory with an emotion he thinks might be relief slowly rising and washing over him. It certainly feels easier to breathe at any rate. He hadn't even noticed the tight grip around his heart until now. ]
But you shouldn't say you'll support me so flippantly. I could become someone you don't like. What I don't want is to become someone unrecognizable to me.
[ Yes, he is chiding Ventus a little. Because one never knows where that line in the sand is. However Vanitas takes a moment to look around the room. ]
I also like my room. It's mine.
[ Something he's never really had before! ]
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[and there's a good chance it will.
ven brings a hand back to brush back some of his hair as he follows vanitas' gaze around the room. he's quiet for a moment.]
... Does that mean you want to stay here?
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[ Because one never knows. And as Ventus fusses with his hair, Vanitas reaches out to give his other half a little shove. ]
Again. Obviously.
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he looks away as he tries to wipe at his eyes, sniffing wetly, his voice choked.]
O-Okay.
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What are you crying for now?
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Nothing! [trying to turn his face away.] It's nothing...!
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Ventus.
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I'm just-... happy you wanted to stay here. [and he would have been sad if vanitas had decided to leave. ven blinks back more tears and they catch in his eyelashes.] That's all.
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Can you stop?
[ Maybe Ven's okay with crying but Vanitas still doesn't... Do crying. Not well. ]
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[he doesn't immediately realize what's happening until he sees vanitas start to tear up too. ven puffs up his cheeks, even with van's hands still holding his face, in some attempt to force himself out of crying. the end result just makes him look like a very silly, pouting child with a tear stained face.]
I'm trying to stop!
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So Vanitas starts laughing. The sheer absurdity of it. ]
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vanitas starts to laugh and ventus can't help but follow suit with tears still rolling down his cheeks. his shoulders shake from trying to hold back snorting laughter that has him tilting forward against vanitas.
they both felt like a mess, but his heart was a little lighter now. maybe they really were going to be okay.]
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But he does signal for Ventus to join him. ]
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it's peaceful.
giggles still bubble inside his chest as he follows after van, laying down with him. he fits easily against him like two worn puzzle pieces that still somehow fit together. ven feels exhausted, but the kind of exhaustion that came after a long, good day. he moves an arm around vanitas, letting his head rest against his shoulder.]
I feel like I could sleep for another ten years.
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Kind of scary, really. So he just settles for putting a hand on Ven's head. That's pretty neutral, right? Safe? ]
Not going to happen. Ten years was long enough.
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he closes his eyes for now, keeping himself from moving any closer against van, but. the hand on his head felt nice. he didn't want to ruin that.]
How about five years then?
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[ What's scary is that he sort of means that. Ven being asleep for so long unsettles him. ]
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... Are we going to sleep now?